Jonathan Roberts Not Safe for Society
Jonathan Roberts Not Safe for Society
Not Safe For Society: Conquering Life's Battlefields – From Military Trials to Personal Triumphs
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of perseverance and surrender, feeling the weight of your personal barriers crushing your path to success? Today's Warrior Wednesday is all about transcending those perceived limits. I'll take you on a rare journey through my own encounter with surrender during a grueling special operations selection process, revealing how I pushed through immense physical and mental challenges. This isn't your average motivational spiel; it's a raw and authentic insight into the struggles that shape our stories.
Buckle up, as we venture into the rigorous terrains of military training and the internal battles that come with it. From the silence of the barracks at Fort Bragg to a solitary and punishing land navigation challenge, I traverse over 100 miles on a journey that tested every fiber of my being. With a debilitating injury tempting me to quit, I unpack the hard truths about confronting our mistakes and the growth that sprouts from such honesty. Our guest, Dean Graciosa, adds depth to the narrative with his own tales of trials and triumphs, further solidifying today's message about rewriting the narrative that no longer serves us.
This episode isn't just about overcoming the odds; it's about redefining our life stories and embracing authenticity. I encourage you to reject excuses, usher in change, and consider how our choices, particularly when under duress, craft our future. We'll also talk about spreading positivity and how the smallest acts can upgrade our lives and those around us. It's about making that conscious decision to improve and influence, for today and every Warrior Wednesday to come. Join us and let's shape an incredible story together.
you, you, you, you, you, thank you you. What's happening? Happy?
Speaker 2:Wednesday everybody. Welcome to Warrior Wednesday everybody. Hope you all having a friggin kick ass morning starting the day off right. Hey, we're going to take this call in a little bit different of a direction today. We are really going to focus on some stuff that'll help us overcome some fences, you know, escape some obstacles, get out of our own damn way. So if y'all saw my social media post the other day I think I did it on sales nation I did a related one on my personal page and, by the way, if you haven't figured out yet, I like to set these calls up with little social media action, just kind of, you know, get some opinion from everyone.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I could give, I could give information, I could give feedback to actual things that we're dealing with and not just simply what I've got going on. So, that being said, I talked a lot about, like, giving up. I talked a little bit about giving up and failure and quitting and on this call, I'm going to be very, very careful with my words because this is one of those topics where the story you tell yourself is going to be the story that you believe. Now, sometimes we've got a story from the past, a story from the past that we've fallen victim to and we keep saying it over and over and over again, and that story is what's limiting us from getting to the level we want to go, whether it be your sales skills, your relationship at home, your fitness. Like you'll use your past story to justify your future when that's not what we have to do. So I want everyone to think about for just a moment. Think about a time in your life and it could have been when you were 101520253050 like think about a time in your life and you were a little down, when you were trying to push yourself to that next level, and you had that little guy or gal in the back of your mind telling you hey, just give up. Your passion is not worth it. You're, what you're doing is not worth it. The pain isn't worth it. I want you to think about that because I want you to take your mindset there for just a moment. I want you to go there and think about maybe a time that you did quit and I know a lot of people are like you know a lot of people get on there and they comment on my Facebook post and it's like I've never quit my mindset. Bullshit, bullshit. You've given up at something in your life and if you have it, don't do this, but maybe you need to. So you know what that pain of not achieving is feels like. Because let me tell you a little story and then we're going to wrap this into where it goes. So a lot and this is a story I've never told publicly, so this is where my post went the other day. I've never really talked to anyone about this because it's something that I've discovered in my mind over the last few years. So in 2010, 2010, so that's a while ago. Right, I'm old as hell now, I think, got some gray hair this side.
Speaker 2:2010, I'm at special operations selection. So this is like tryouts for the green brain, green brace. Basically, you know it is a really cool military course. If everything you know about the military you know. You go to basic, you get yelled at, they tear you up. I just want to set your mind for what this course is like. This course they do not yell at you. This course, they treat you like it's called a gentleman's course, or we refer to it as it's a very physical course, but they won't yell at you. They won't, you know, motivate you. They won't kick your ass if you fuck up. You ain't doing push ups, so that's the style, of course that is. That is one of the most physical courses in the US Army that you could go. It has an incredibly high dropout rate.
Speaker 2:So, that being said, you show up at Fort Bragg, north Carolina, you ship off to some area that you've never been to on the base and they load you in barracks and you know you start off the course by no one really talking to you. You get there, there's 400 people around you and you're all alone for the most part. So they put you in little tents, they get you around other folks and the cadre don't really say too much shit. They have a whiteboard where the instructors are and on that whiteboard they were just randomly go write shit on the whiteboard instructions for shit that you have to do. So you have to figure out kind of okay one. We need someone to watch that whiteboard all fricking day and really pay attention, and really pay attention to what's going on, because they'll write some shit at three in the morning when everybody's asleep. So you gotta have a fire guard. They're watching it. They treat you very well.
Speaker 2:Anyways, week one you do a bunch of pushups, sit ups, go for a run, go for a rock, beat your body At some point in time. You're doing log and rifle PT, you're doing all sorts of dumb shit and you just break your body. Essentially, week two is called land navigation. Over week two you'll probably walk about 100 miles with 70 pounds on your back, and that's added to the 20 miles that you did in week one and you're in the woods. You're 100% by yourself. The land navigation course it's called the Star course. It starts at midnight and it ends at noon. You were by yourself in the middle of North Carolina. This is not team event.
Speaker 2:So I was on my last section of the land nav course and I'm gonna tell you about a time I quit and I didn't think I quit because I justified my bullshit, and I'm gonna tell you why I'm telling you the story At the end. I'm gonna wrap it up, don't worry. So I'm not week two of land navigation. I've been doing it for a while. I'd gotten through day one of the star, I'd been through the two days prior of the practice courses and all the shit. I'm probably at 70 fucking miles on my feet and day two comes along. I'm just strolling around enjoying my fucking day, map compass doing the shit and I slipped. I slipped, wasn't that crazy? Slip leg goes out, ends up fucking my hip up Tremendous pain. Well, I kind of did some math in my head and I had studied the course early on and it's a course that's got a secret rating to it, so you're not supposed to know anything about it, but it's fucking all over the internet. I'm not sharing any secrets with you guys. So, that being said, I had gotten an idea that I knew you didn't need to get 100% of points. A lot of guys got selected that didn't.
Speaker 2:They literally watch everything, like when you have an obstacle course. At this course they have psychiatrists come out and watch how you negotiate the obstacles. They watch how you freeze up and how you go over it. And if you guys have ever been to like this level of obstacle course, imagine a high ropes course that you've been to without a catch net and you're not harnessed in. I mean, there are a couple of things. You have 30 feet in the air coming over a ladder and my fucking nuts went into my fucking throat. But they're watching how you deal with it. They're seeing how your mind goes off. Fuck, okay, go. Or do you freeze up? Do you get scared? Do you have to really spend two minutes talking yourself into it? So back to my land.
Speaker 2:Now I'm out there, I'm hurting and my leg pops. I fucking slipped leg, goes out, and at first I didn't really know what was going on. So I'm trying to walk, I'm trying to, I'm trying to just figure it out and I'm like, fuck man, this is bad, like I can't put weight on it. I'm having to use my rifle as a crutch. So I finally go find a treat just to take a little minute break. I mean, you got 12 hours, I'm probably I got extra time right now. I knew that because I knew my pace count, I knew where I was going. So I knew I had a minute to figure my life out. So I go find a treat, kind of take my rucksack off, give it maybe 10 minutes without any weight on my back and see if I can get back into the game.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not working. 10 minutes goes by, 20 minutes go by. I'm trying to put pressure on it, I'm trying to move. I mean this is just fucking excruciating pain Like this sucks ass, and I'm starting to see this like go through my mind and my mind starts playing tricks on me. It starts to tell me, like I'm starting to try and justify what's gonna happen. I'm trying to see like, okay, maybe I sit here and I fucking crawl back at the end and maybe I didn't find my fifth point. So, like I get confused and they have dog trackers on you because you're literally out in a hunt, you know a fuck ton of land and you're by yourself. So they've got dog trackers, heart rate monitors, gps, like we're geared up so we don't die, and the assessors the CAD rate notice.
Speaker 2:At one point in time. I guess that I haven't moved in a few hours. At this point in time, basically I've decided, hey, I need to rest this out. I've got six hours until I need to be back. That means it's gonna give me five hours. You know I'm gonna click in a half away. I'll walk back in an hour. I could do that. It's gonna be a slow pace. And then, you know, the next day we'll head back to the barracks or the tent city and I'll rest and I'll be ready for team week and I'm just gonna have to push through. That's where my mind is right now.
Speaker 2:And the CAD race that I haven't moved in a while. So they sit in the truck out there. A gentleman comes up and these guys are all big motherfuckers. They're scary, they're very stern, they don't yell at you, like I said. So this big guy comes up beard and if you've ever been in the military you know beard is means you're fucking cool, means you fucking done something. So bearded guy comes up. He's like hey, candidate, you okay. Hey, roger, sir, candidate, I need you to get up and walk. I'm just taking a little break. Candidate, get up and walk. Okay, get up, use my rifle. Candidate without your fucking rifle? Okay, collapse. Couldn't support the rock, like hip was not taking the pain. And here's where I got lost. So I haven't argued with this guy because I told myself when I go to SFAS, when I went to the selection course, the only way I was gonna leave that course was dead. That's where my mind was, because I was not gonna say I quit, I was going to die and kill myself before I fucking said I quit. So my mind is in this zone where, bitch, you're gonna have to bury me here if you want me to fucking leave.
Speaker 2:So the assessor comes up, walks out to me, leaves this truck and starts hey, what's going on man? Hey, dude, just you know, trip back there. Not a big deal, it's kind of hurting, throbbing a little bit, it'll be good. I'm gonna stretch it out later, just giving him some time off. How many points have you find candidate? Hey, dude, I'm on four. I'm going to my fifth. I've already kind of calculated it. I don't know if I have time. I'll probably push that way in a little bit, but you know I'll make sure I'm back at. You know the hit time. Because they want you back there, because they don't want to go and search for your ass. So that's one of the things If you ain't gonna hit your fifth point or your fourth point or your third point, wherever you're at, get your ass back to the fucking start point so we don't have to go fucking find you.
Speaker 2:So I'm going back and forth with him. So he looks at my shit, he looks at my shit, he goes you guys. Look, dude, I'm gonna be real with you. Man, you're probably good. I'm not talking about you know what you've done. I'm not talking about you know how you've pushed yourself. But you found all five yesterday. You're on four or five on these guys, I'm gonna make you a deal. He goes. I can tell you ain't fucking. And this is after we argue with each other for 15 minutes. It's awesome, they'll make you a deal.
Speaker 2:He's like you're unable to put weight on your foot or on your leg. He's like that's probably not good. He goes. You look young, you're still in decent shape. He's like you probably have another opportunity if you absolutely need to. So what does my brain do? Starts fucking selling myself. He goes candidate, get in the back of my truck and I'm gonna take you down to the hospital and if they approve you, we'll get you right back in. He goes you're not gonna miss anything. He goes. All we do tonight is we go, we chill, we relax and we go back to the fucking tent city tomorrow. Like okay, it takes me to the hospital and like I mean I'm in the back of the fucking truck.
Speaker 2:At this point I know my future. I haven't even had my MRI, I haven't even had my fucking X-ray. Like I know what's happening Because if you've ever been injured, you know the difference between pain and you done fucked something up and I've broken a few bones, I've dislocated a bunch of shit, like I've. I know the difference and I knew this wasn't right because shit wasn't like. My mind was saying do shit, and my body wasn't doing it how it was saying.
Speaker 2:So we go back to the hospital in Fort Bragg I forget the damn name of it and I go in there and I'm looking all fucked up, like I haven't showered in two weeks, my uniform's all fucking bloody and dirty and I don't have any patches on you know, just white little tape, cause they fucking get rid of your patches, they get rid of your rank, they get rid of your name. You're just the fucking number and I'm looking like crazy. Now, granted, they do the selection course at Bragg all the time, so people are semi used to it, but I'm getting a bunch of goofy looks and I probably smell like hell. So it was embarrassing. So I didn't really care at the point. I just I saw it.
Speaker 2:So I go back in, I get my X-ray, I get my MRI. The nurse or PA or whoever it was, might've been a doctor. I honestly don't even remember. I think it was a female, I can't tell you because I that was not where my focus was Comes out. My X-ray shows a cracked ball joint. My MRI shows a torn labrum, a bunch of other ligaments that had fucking torn. It was just like one of those freak accidents where I don't fuck my hip up, broke the ball, tore the fucking labrum. So I tell you that, so you understand.
Speaker 2:Like I had told myself on this course, I wasn't going to quit no matter what. But as I'm getting the results from the MRI, from the X-ray, as I'm figuring out like what the future of my military career may lie, I start immediately that moment, figuring out how I'm going to go back. I'm a dumbass. I figure out how I'm going to go back. So I'm like, fuck, there's 0% chance they're letting me do this. So they take me back to tent city and you do not go home when you get hurt. Granted, I'm stationed in Germany, so I don't. I'm not stationed at Bragg, I'm stationed on the other side of the fucking world. That's where my family is, that's where my unit is and I have to spend I was like four or five days, I forget exactly how much.
Speaker 2:In this place they call Camp Sorrow. So Camp Sorrow is for the people who typically quit and or get injured. Now Camp Sorrow is like you've got tent city here, where, if you're, you know candidate. You're here, you've got the cadre building here and over here you've got Camp Sorrow. So you can see these motherfuckers every day. It's not like they hide you. You visually get to see it. You know the first thing they do Whenever you quit, whenever you get hurt, they take you to the de facto.
Speaker 2:Get good food. You know what they did the day before the course started Made us the best meal I have ever had in the military. They fuck with you. It's my name. So you immediately go to the de facto and I'm kind of getting pissed because now I'm seeing myself with the fucking quitters.
Speaker 2:I'm seeing myself with the men and I don't mean that in a derogatory way whatsoever, but there was only males allowed to be at selection when I was going through it. I see men that agreed to do something and said I fucking quit. Now, just because you get through selection does not mean you become a green break. You still have a lot of training to go on. But that 21 days, that 21 days is what pushes you. That's all it is 21 days. If I told you I was gonna give you a billion dollars to do some stupid shit for 21 days, I guarantee you you would do it 90% of you because you could see the end. You would deal with any amount of pain to get there.
Speaker 2:But I'm with these people and I'm starting to get pissed off because in my mind I didn't quit and in my mind I didn't quit and I didn't deserve to be with these fucking losers. And that's how I looked at it. And honestly, I'm gonna tell you a lot of people is like why are they losing, dude? They're actually not. They did more than 99.9% of the world will ever do in their life by just signing up to go and getting their ass kicked for a fucking couple of days. But I'm sitting there, I'm fucked up. So I have four or five days.
Speaker 2:Now, if you quit, you go out and you support team week. So there's a bunch of apparatuses and equipment they move everywhere. So guess what? Well, they're doing team week and they're moving these apparatuses. Guess what you're doing? You're setting up the apparatuses by moving them around. So literally they fuck with you more if you quit, because they use you for a detail and essentially you're doing the same shit you would have done anyways. They fuck with your mind.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing. I was on a profile. I wasn't allowed to do shit. So for five days or four days I can't remember exactly how many it was team week is three or four days long, four days if you include graduation or getting your orders or whatnot. So for four days I literally sit there and I see people leave at whatever five am. I go get food at fucking seven. They come back about noon, they get food, they leave again, I get food, I go back.
Speaker 2:So like four or five days I'm sitting there like all by myself and then my mind really starts racing because by day, like two or three, I'm starting to be able to put weight on it again. Some of the swelling's gone down, I'm starting to move a little bit more normal and I'm starting to fuck with myself. I'm starting to say, oh man, was the X-ray wrong? Was the MRI wrong? Was? Could have I pushed? Could have I just shut my fucking mouth, cried, dealt with the pain, like given everything, cause.
Speaker 2:Then I'm starting to think about like motherfuckers that got shot in Afghanistan Motherfuckers, I knew that got shot and fucking had to get their fucking ass out of there. So I'm comparing myself to them. Going dude, that motherfucker had a bullet in his fucking leg, back of his knee, blown the fuck out and he hobbled his ass out. My bitch ass has fucked up it. So I didn't know how to justify this. I didn't know how to justify that I got hurt and I didn't make it through the course and I told everyone like I was real. I've never lied about this once in my life, but I never once, until recently, said I quit and it fucked with me for so long. Because I know in the back of my mind and I really believe this I think I could have pushed. I think that day I could have manned up just a little bit more man or woman up, whatever you say it is I think I could have pushed just a little bit harder, dealt with a little bit more pain, like I had four fucking days, but instead I decided to justify I'll be back Now.
Speaker 2:This is where quitting kind of it's gonna spin you through another loop. I believe everyone on this call and everyone who follow us has quit or given up at least once in their life, because if you haven't, you don't know the pain of what it fucking feels like. But that being said, the only way that it makes you a loser is if you don't get back on the horse and do something. Now there are certain things that are good to quit at, like quit dipping about six months ago. That was probably something good for me got rid of the nicotine. There's also times that you're gonna quit maybe an activity or a job that you swore you were gonna kill it in, and it could be positive if you take it in a positive manner, if you go do something better with it, if you're like man, I really wanna do this art thing, but then I just kind of realized I can't even fucking color in the goddamn line, so the shit ain't for me. So something like that where you know, go build something else. You maybe go spread your word like I'm good with that, as long as you quit up and not down. However, you can't ever give up on yourself. So here's really where it fucked with me and I hope this portion of the story helps some of you maybe get past a barrier that you're sitting at.
Speaker 2:So I go back to Germany, my unit, like if y'all ever been on a fucking 12 hour flight with a fucked up hip. It sucked ass. I get back. I'm still bitter with myself. I'm a little bitch. You know all the haters are coming out told you you wouldn't make it bitch. And I'm like, yeah, fuck you, at least I went. Like the haters are coming everywhere, they exist everywhere in life.
Speaker 2:And I get back to Germany and because the army's so awesome, you know, they put me in physical therapy. I go to physical therapy, you know the guy puts me on the leg press. I'm doing a decent amount of weight. He's like what the fuck's wrong with you? Like, did you not look at my file, dude? I've got a torn labrum and a gray's. Like I can't fix that with physical therapy. I'm like I fucking know, I'm checking the blocks. That's how the army works. It's socialist medicine, it's free. Yeah, you gotta go through all the blocks. It's a pain in the ass.
Speaker 2:So I finally get to the point where they're gonna kick me out of the army, physically, medically discharge. This is 2011,. I got out in 2016, by the way, 2011. They're gonna medically discharge me and I'm like no, I'm fucking 22 years old, or something like that. 21, 22, I think I was 22. 22 years old there's no fucking way you were kicking me out of the army, fuck you. I mean literally. That's the conversation I have with an officer and a doctor. Not fucking happening. Dude, I got goals and I'm gonna fucking hit him. He goes.
Speaker 2:I get a second opinion from basically his boss and the guy's like dude, there's one person in the world that I'll let perform this surgery. This guy and I don't remember his fucking name, but if you back in the day, if you Googled West Point so the US Army Military Academy where they got the football team this guy actually his name, came up on Google Maps. That's his level of being a fucking orthopedic doctor surgeon he was. I wanna say it was like a eight, 10 month waiting list or some shit that I had to wait. Busted ass, motherfucker, like with my shit hurt and every day to go see him back hurt and hip hurt and like I had to wait a long time because he had such a fucking long thing. His big thing is like obviously West Point's got like football players right. So when you hurt an army officer, they don't want you to fucking lose your army contract, they wanna use your ass.
Speaker 2:So the orthopedic dude, this guy is the best, like one of the best, not in the nation but in the world, for orthopedic surgery. So I fly eight months, 10 months later, I go see him and the guy sits with me now. He's going over everything, going over my chart, and he's like hey, dude, I just wanna ask you, what do you plan on doing when I do the surgery? I'm like I'm going back bitch. She's like man, he goes. I want you to realize this one thing he goes right now I ain't fixing shit. He goes right now you need a hip replacement. Maybe by the time you're 45 if you're lucky, that's how long you're gonna make it maybe 45 if you can endure the pain and you wanna deal with it. He goes. I'm gonna give you till 65. He goes, that's all I'm fucking doing. He goes. You will need a hip replacement someday. I go, okay. So can you fix it so I can go back? Dude, I'm like I'm 22, I'm stupid, but I had a goal and he basically is like I mean, he's on orders, he's gotta fucking do it. He can't tell me no. He just basically says this he goes. Hey, look, man, I'm gonna tell you this he goes. He goes that one year of fucking training that you're about to go through, he goes. I think you'll go through it. He said I'll fix you. He's like I'll get you ready. He goes. That one year is gonna knock 10, 20 years off your fucking hip, he goes. And when you come back, he goes. If you injure yourself again and come back, he goes. The only thing I could do at that point in time repair it one more time and tell you I told you so, but there is no chance you'll ever be able to. I'm like, okay, fucking do it. So does the surgery.
Speaker 2:I fly back like four days later back to Germany from New York, again, fucking, right after hip surgery. Getting back on that stupid fucking airplane flying across the Atlantic is a bitch when your hip don't feel good. I mean I think he gave me like eight Vicodin. I ate all 15 of them on the fucking flight. It fucking hurt and I don't have a Vicodin problem, but I was in pain and I fucking hate flying, so it helps you sleep, anyways. So I get back to Germany and immediately I'm going physical therapy. I bust my ass through physical therapy. I'm pushing more. I mean literally I remember my gal one day, hey, cause I was in an airborne unit. She's like you guys jumping anytime soon. Do you need a profile profile's, a piece of paper saying I don't have to do physical shit. I'm like, no, we're good, julie or whatever her name is. She's like we're good. I knew I was jumping that fucking weekend.
Speaker 2:Two months after fucking hip surgery, I'm jumping out of fucking airplanes again. I'm passing our PT test. I'm running five miles after my hip just got rebuilt. I pushed myself so hard through physical therapy because I wanted to get back in that fucking course that led us to issues later on. So I get back in. I start training hard. I'm rocking again, you know, putting 20, 25 miles every single week and on my back, like I'm starting to try to get back in the shape.
Speaker 2:I did this stupid. I don't ski, but I signed up for this like Arctic winter games with my unit where we had to go up to Fairbanks, alaska. I'm in Alaska now, by the way. We had to go up to Alaska and we were skiing and shit. I learned how to ski a week before this and I fucking win at everything I do. So we're doing this downhill ski race and my body like it's a pretty grueling force. You know, it's fucking 10 degrees outside. You're in a lot of gear, you're doing a lot like it's skiing for miles and miles. So like I wasn't good at it so it was already just painful. So I'm going down this hill last part of it my legs are fucking smoked. But I'm giving everything and I'm trying to get down and I just fucking tumble, fucking leg pops out, muscles lost, rip the hip again. Yeah, now this time, guess what do I get to do? Try to get back on this fuck.
Speaker 2:And it's like if you've ever injured something and re-injured something, you know the pain, you know the sound, you know the feeling, you know what happens after to a freaking T. So I knew the second. I felt that shooting pain up my spine and down my leg. I knew exactly what I just did and I tried to ski down. I tried to at least finish. I ended up taking the skis down While I was gone in trouble. My first start like chewed my ass out. I told him to fuck off at the bottom of the hill because I just I knew it. It was like one of those moments that I knew in my life that it was over, that that dream I had. I mean literally. I dept into the Navy so that's delayed entry program as a junior in high school, dept into the Navy for the SEAL challenge and I had all the fucking physical requirements passed, I ended up going to college instead for a year and a half and dropping out of that.
Speaker 2:So I dept, dropped, which basically means hey, I kind of said I was gonna join it for those of you that have ever done it, like it's not a big deal. And then, a year and a half after college, or after I dropped out of college, I joined the Army. I didn't think at the time I was ready for the SEAL program. So I'm like cool dude, I'll go do some Army time and then I'll go be a green braid. That's fucking badass. And honestly, what I wanted to do was Delta. So I was training up to actually go to CAG selection or Delta selection the second time, because that was my ultimate goal and I knew I had one opportunity.
Speaker 2:So I fucked myself up again and at that point I knew everything was fucking done. I knew I was gonna get medically boarded. I knew I was gonna get medically discharged. I knew that my career was over. I knew that I was never gonna be able to wear that you know special forces tab or become an operator Like. I knew it was over and for a while there I went into this fucking depressed state. I went to the state of being a little bitch. I actually refused surgery for a long time because I was delusional that I could get myself fixed and it all came down.
Speaker 2:I think I pushed myself a year year and a half and my first son knew I was fucked up. He knew about everything. He knew that I was basically hiding in an injury and I was just trying to stay in because I also felt like getting out was quitting and everything I do. I will never quit Like I'll go through hell. You could fuck me up If I decide to fight. Guess what? I'm gonna take it till the end. You're gonna kill me or I'm gonna fuck you up Like you could fucking hurt me. I don't give a shit. We're gonna take this to the end. So I'm hiding this injury because I just wanted to, at this point, do my fucking eight years and get the fuck out. I agreed to eight years and I wanted out. Well, then I we had. I can't remember my first start was gone. So we have a PT test, and I'm not saying he did or didn't, but he might have hooked me up with some PT tests. Granted, I could pass a PT test nine times out of 10. Just fine and get a great score.
Speaker 2:The problem was is I would occasionally fuck my hip up where I was like doing sit ups or running and the shit would just like I would lose it, like I would get out of the car occasionally and my wife would be like you good, I'm like yeah, yeah, if you've ever had to pop something back into place so it moves again. That's basically what I had to convince myself, the pain I was gonna go through to stab up, pop my hip and get out of the car and move on. So I'm doing sit ups on a PT test and fucking you know 2021, 22, 23, 24, just knocking him out, fuck a bam, bam, bam and all of a sudden I hit like 36, 37, hip not working. Couldn't do 38. I think at my age group. I think my minimum passing was like 46 or some shit. So I go to the run. I fucking barely passed the run because now I'm in pain. I knew I just fucking failed.
Speaker 2:It was for another leadership school that I was gonna go to. That's why I was doing a PT test. The problem was my first start wasn't there, and it's not the problem, but that's my excuse. Some other NCO was there that one didn't really know my story and, in my opinion, was a shitty leader. Granted, you know, he held me to the standards. I can't really say he was a shitty leader. I just whatever, fuck him.
Speaker 2:But that being said, I fucking failed and that's what led to the med board, because I was then getting flagged, I was, it was gonna go to another thing. And they're like what is going on, dude, like this doesn't even make sense. You look like you're in decent shape and I'm like here it is. He's like why the fuck aren't you going to the doctor? I'm like well, most of you motherfuckers know about this shit. I've literally been hiding it, motherfucker. So I finally, you know, go to the PA med board.
Speaker 2:I'm getting chapter and here's where and this was like a PTSD moment for me in a way without you know downgrading like actual you know Afghanistan or fucking, you know battle bullshit. But there's all this like shit that we tell ourselves in different ways. This is where I got lost in myself for so long, because until recently, like I told you guys and this is the first time I've ever publicly talked about this, until recently I've never said I quit selection. That's probably within the last maybe year or so that I've actually said those words. I did get medically dropped. I did not ever say I quit, but I really think I could have pushed myself. But I think I started to justify a little bit of hey even before the assessor came up hey, I'm 22, I'll be able to get back in this, I'll be able to heal, I'll be able to come back. Blah, blah, blah bullshit.
Speaker 2:And I think if that one time, that one time I took an opportunity, not thinking the shit was going to get better, not thinking I was going to overcome, not thinking that but if I just pushed it, like what is the worst thing that happened. I fucked my labor up a little bit more, I cracked my ball joint. Like I look at that and I go dude, you would have been in the exact same place, dumbass. And I really think I could have pushed harder. I think I could have pushed through the pain. I think I could have just given it just a little bit more. But I didn't that fucking day, because I figured at 22 years old I still had a future and I did. But I figured I still had time.
Speaker 2:The problem was is I didn't understand time I didn't understand opportunity, and the opportunity that lies in front of you might only come once. And just because you think that opportunity is going to come around again in six months, a year, two years, three years, five years, that might fucking not. There's a million things that could happen today, tomorrow, in the next hour that could literally change your entire life, and are you ready to handle those consequences? Are you ready to take a curve ball right now and smash that motherfucker out of the park, or are you so focused on waiting for that fucking fastball down the center that you end up striking out? So the reason I tell you that is because I thought I was a badass and I lied to myself for so freaking long I didn't quit. I got medically. I was. You know, my little bitch hip couldn't like.
Speaker 2:I was happier justifying having a little bitch hip than quitting, and that was a problem I had because it was affecting other things I did in life, like go to the gym. So for those of you that you know I've ever been here, if you ever notice, like during the workouts and shit, I don't do squats because occasionally it fucking gets locked in that position. It fucking sucks. That being said, when I was going through physical therapy, I spent so much damn time doing all these like Secondary motion movements to get the muscle around it to work so I could do squats and shit, but I quit doing it. So, realistically, it's not that I can't do squats it said I need to go to physical therapy again or go work with someone that knows how to rehabilitate all those like supplementary muscles to support it again. And it was the idea that I I gave myself an excuse to get out of something and instead of using it as a superpower, instead of using it as like a pain, that pushed me to get another level.
Speaker 2:So many years and I'm talking, I got out in 2016, I 2014, I want to say 13 or 14. I think it was October 13. No, november 13. No, fuck, it was February. February 14 is when I got injured the second time. So pretty much since February of 2014, and it's now 2024, so almost 10 years. So let's go nine years. I Gave myself.
Speaker 2:I lied to myself internally about something I knew wasn't true. Now, that being said, it's crazy. It's funny because Andy's um Inner circle call the other day. I'm gonna share you guys some higher level information. It's not really higher level, but it's just something he said that I overheard. He goes I'm fucking fat. And the thing was is he was trying to get himself to another level. Now most of us don't look at Andy and go Ha fat ass, like quite the opposite. However, in his mind, he's fat right now. However, he was justifying like not going 100% in because he's already better than, I would say, fucking 99.9 percent of you know physical, physical appearance, definitely better than you know 99.9% of motherfuckers on the planet.
Speaker 2:The problem is it wasn't what he was okay. So he had to first release the fact that hey, dude, I don't like the way I look, I need to tighten up here, I need to tighten up there. Just because I'm better than everybody doesn't mean I'm there. I was the same way. I needed to release the words that I quit Because I've gone my entire life and this has been a mentality I've had since at a young, young age. It was instilled with me that you never quit. If you say you're gonna do something, you do it at all costs. Men don't quit, women don't quit, humans do not quit, losers quit, and that was a mentality I had. The problem was is that mentality got switched up when I did and Maybe I could have done more and I couldn't just admit that, man, I Don't remember that, though I don't remember the pain exactly back in 2011 that I was in, and I don't actually Truly, truly know if I could have, but I think I probably could have. I think I probably could have at least taken another quarter mile, maybe at least a half mile. And then, what do you know, a half mile, before you even know it, you're at four or five miles. But I set under a tree and I gave myself ten minutes and that ten minutes turned into an hour. That hour turned into three hours. That three hours turned into alerting someone else. That turned into a fucking Assisted ride to a hospital. That turned into a mindset. If I've got time that turned into a mindset, there's gonna be another opportunity. I won't fail again. I Never got that second opportunity fully. I Was ready for it.
Speaker 2:I had gone through the psycho, psycho value or the psychological evaluation I took there. They actually, for this course, you have to go to an IQ test, like a true eight-hour fucking IQ test with a psychiatrist fucking Scored very, very well and all of that past their PT test. Um, I was just waiting on my actual date. They do it twice a year. It's out in West Virginia, it's like the state line of Virginia, west Virginia or something. It's badass fucking course. Very few like people think you know green berets, like very few motherfuckers, even get the opportunity Attendant. I was there, I could smell it. I was just waiting for my turn and shit happened and it honestly probably taught me a good reason, because you know there was also a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:I was almost on the break of divorce going through this shit. I was literally leaving my house at 4 am To hit the gym and then go do PT with the army. I wasn't getting home till eight, nine o'clock, like I was giving my life for the last two years to this fucking dream. I had Sleeping three to four hours a night for not months, years on end, working out four hours a day and I'm talking high level. You know crossfit hit Like seal fit type shit, shit that most people would look at. You guys think the Murph is a lot. Go look at seal fit like that type of shit. Every day I gave it all and I look back and maybe, maybe, if I didn't quit that first time, I'd have it, or maybe there's a reason the shit didn't work out for me. I don't know, but I know the first thing I had to do to get to another level was admit that Maybe there was more in me that I didn't put out there, because if I kept telling myself that I got hurt, then I'm gonna tell myself I'm gonna make a bunch of other excuses at life for other shit that I don't do.
Speaker 2:Oh my, I didn't sell enough cars this month. I didn't slap enough glass this month. I didn't knock enough doors this month. Well, yeah, but I got that blister. Or instead I did this, you know, instead I took my wife out. I love it. Take your family out. I have a huge thing. If you promise your wife something, you fucking do it. However, there's probably a lot of shit that you could fucking not do. She probably doesn't want to do, and if you haven't earned it, don't do it. Vacations that drain your bank account down to zero you don't earn that shit. You can't go on vacation and have fun Don't do it.
Speaker 2:No if that's what you plan on doing.
Speaker 2:Hey, we're gonna save 10 grand and blow it on vacation. By all means. If that was your plans, do it. But if you had other plans, if you had bigger plans, you've got to take the opportunity now because it might not come again. The things that are thrown in your way now, the stress that's going to be there, the pain that's going to be there it's there for a reason and this might be your only opportunity to get through it. The shit that you're going through now might never come again in your life. So don't think next month's gonna get better. Don't think next year is gonna get better. Don't think that client, that hundred thousand dollar, that million dollar deal, don't think they're gonna be around again. They might not be. You might not be where you're at. Don't think the gym's gonna be there tomorrow Because your health might go away. Don't think you'll lose weight next week Because big max start tasting better. The shit you have in front of you now, the things that you have to accomplish today, you need to go and attack, and you need to attack with the, with the ruthless mindset I've. I will never in my life have this opportunity in front of me again and I hope.
Speaker 2:By sharing my story today. I opened up a little bit. I've literally Never shared that really at all, and definitely not with you know 50 people, 60 people at one point. But I hope that kind of brought something up in your mind that you can really anchor yourself to, of a time that you quit when maybe you knew deep down inside that I shouldn't have done that. And I know, if we all dig deep enough, there is that one time I care in for a content. There's a time that you didn't give it your all and you talked yourself out of some shit, or maybe you didn't even take a step toward it and that wants you more. I've had times I'm not gonna share them but I've had times in my life too when I thought of something that was a great idea and I failed to step toward it. I didn't have the balls to do it.
Speaker 2:There were other things that were more fun. I mean, fuck, think about stocks, stocks. Like I'm old enough that I knew about the Facebook IPO. I saw that shit. I had a little bit of money in the bank. I considered buying in low same with Google, same with a million other things like that in my option. But like, wasn't it just more fun to go out and do some dumb shit with the boys on a Friday night. And you know, drop a thousand bucks in Google for its IPO. A thousand bucks would be worth a lot of money today.
Speaker 2:But it was those little things, and I'm not talking just financially. It could be your relationship. It could be you're like you know, I need to go out with the wife again, I need to go share that. And you haven't taken the step forward, or you half-assed it, or you went out and you got on your phone the whole time. It could be your fitness. It could be hey, I need to get in better shape, I need to lose weight and you know well my back hurts, I'm fucking sore. Well, I didn't hit my, you know, the bottom of my head. You know sales goal, I didn't hit my revenue for the company, blah, blah, blah. So I don't go do this.
Speaker 2:And that little permission to fail, that little permission to Not go and not just being dude I'm kind of being a little bitch. I got a quick quit and that thing that you tell yourself is going to keep you away. So Today I want you to get delusional and psycho. I want you to remember one time and don't go into a depression about this. But I want you to conquer something that you're telling yourself in your mind, because I believe we all have it. I know I have it today. I've got to go find my next one now.
Speaker 2:But I believe we all have a false narrative that we're telling ourself that's holding us back from the winner that we want to become. It could be a fear. It could be a time, something that it worked. It could be something that you just want to do when you haven't done. It could be picking up the flute and learning to play fucking jazz flute. It's literally anything. I want you to take one thing today and change your story. Change one thing about you in a positive nature. You will no longer talk about ex you. You will now go on to the new you.
Speaker 2:If you have to get out there and admit to someone or to something, or even to yourself. More importantly, that dude, that's just a story I told myself. That's the story that I've been limiting myself to Change it today. I promise you this when you release those stories, you will be able to have more open conversations. And, like I said, I've never lied once to my story, but I didn't believe the words that came out of my mouth and that led me to not truly, truly trusting myself. And it wasn't a lie, it was just not 100% what I believed it to be and I hid back the potion that I never wanted to admit to anyone. And I told the truth, but I never told the emotion I never let that release. So I could tell you that personally in my life, in the last, and honestly I can't tell you the first time I said it was within the last six months of year, but my last three years of my life timeline is just blurred like hell. So it could have been three days ago, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But when I was able to release that, I was able to talk about it more and I was able to share the story more because it didn't eat me up on the inside and it didn't limit me from not pushing all at the gym. It didn't limit me from just being like, look, dude, I need to fucking rehab my hip again, like, yeah, I'm in decent shape, I can outrun you motherfuckers. But there are certain things that hurt and I limit myself from doing them because I need to go do the little shit, like you know the little band workouts and stuff that are super fun, the duck walk with the band on, like the goofy shit that I just don't like doing at the gym because it's not a bench press or curls, like I don't like it. But I need to go do that again because I mean I just do, it's healthy, it's good for me. So, that being said, hey, usually I do a little Q and A. Today I've actually got to go. We got Dean Graciosa. He should be here in any moment. So I want you guys to do this.
Speaker 2:Go change something today. Go do something great for yourself, but also, as I always say, go find someone else that you can affect their life today. Go be a positive influence on someone else. It could be the convenience store person. If you go get a Red Bull, it could be your mom. Maybe you need to call your mom and tell her to have an amazing day. It could be a co-worker Hell could be your kids or your wife or your spouse, your husband, whatever it is. But do something for yourself today and be a positive influence on someone else. Y'all have an amazing day. I'll see you next Wednesday. Shoot me a DM. I do want to get some feedback on this call, but I also want to know what y'all want to hear next Wednesday. I want to know what level you guys want to go to. So shoot me a DM, let me know Y'all have an amazing day.
